Finding Equipoise

A quarter of a century...

That's what people keep telling me.  "Oh, now you're a quarter of a century old!."  So, of course I expected it to be a major milestone in my life.  Now that the day is here, there is not anything unusual about it.  Today is my birthday.  So far, it's been pretty uneventful, which is fine with me.  I'm just happy looking back over the year I've had.  So many things have happened, happy, sad, amazing, difficult and miraculous.  One could only hope that next year is as good.

12 Weeks

Ok, I know I'm a big FAT liar because I didn't post again this last week.  My excuse?  I was busy trying to finish Christmas cards, go to 3 family events, clean my house and prepare for my trip to NM in 3 days, and try not to go crazy.  I hope you'll forgive me for writing about nothing but baby until the holidays are over!

Anyway, yay!  I am officially out of my first trimester!  Everybody take in a big breath and let it out in a big sigh of relief with me.  To have reached this milestone gives me a tiny hint that everything just might turn out fine with this little one.  Baby is now about 2.5 inches long and weighs about 14 grams.  Baby's digestive system is now working and fingernails are beginning to grow.  Baby is also starting to develop little tooth buds, how exciting! 

We had our appointment this morning and got to hear the heartbeat on the doppler- 160 bpm, just as it should be.  Although, we all had a good laugh while New Doctor chased a very active baby around my abdomen to get the heartbeat.  Baby and I are healthy and things are looking great!

I can now feel the top of my uterus, which is interesting.  I am feeling more like myself.  I never really got very sick, but I was very tired.  I am starting to get some of my energy back, which has been really nice.  I'm looking forward to the so called "breeze" of the second trimester.

That's all for now.  I'm leaving in 3 days to go home, I'll try to write while I'm there but no promises, so if I don't talk to you, Merry Christmas!

11 Weeks

I've decided that every Wednesday I will be posting an update on how things are progressing with baby and me.  I understand, and I'm sorry that I didn't say it sooner, if any of you can no longer read my blog since I became pregnant.  I understand that pain and I feel so sick for how you must be feeling reading this because I remember feeling sick reading about other people's pregnancies too.  I wish you all the best in your journey to pregnancy and will understand completely if you cannot visit this space.

Today the baby is 11 weeks old exactly.  Baby is about 1.75 to 2.4 inches crown-to-rump and weighs about 0.3 ounce (8g).  The baby is about the size of a lime.  Baby is now officially a fetus (no longer and embryo).  This week Baby's neck develops and lengthens, causing the chin to rise from the chest.  Fingernails will appear.  External signs of the baby's sex will start to form this week and baby is really growing fast.

I am doing pretty well.  Nauseous pretty often, but not too bad.  I haven't been really sick, which is very fortunate.  I've learned to eat when I'm hungry or there are severe consequences.  I've also found that if I go to bed too late or don't get enough sleep, I pay for it the next day.  My boobs are throbbing and growing and I'm starting to get a noticeable little tummy.  I am not one of those women who get perfect skin and hair during pregnancy...in fact I think mine is worse.  I am growing fingernails like crazy, which is strange.  I am starting to cry for no particular reason, or with very little provocation.  For instance, I am really moved by music.  The other night an orchestra was playing a medley of soundtracks from different movies and it was so moving and beautiful I started bawling.  I cannot make it through church without crying several times.  I cannot watch touching commercials or think about sentimental things.  Let me just tell you, I am not even close to this emotional normally.  Things are progressing well.  I will be out of my first trimester soon- at which point I will breathe a large sigh of relief.  My next appointment is in a week.

I still worry that something will happen.  I will feel better once I get to hear the heartbeat again.  I think the baby moving will be a big step in making me further believe this is really happening.  I try to stay calm and not stress...but that little worry bud is always there nagging.

I promise I will try to be better about posting.  I don't want this space to be absorbed by this pregnancy, though I'll admit that the baby enters my thoughts more than most things these days.  More about baby (and appointment) next week.

So quiet...

yet so busy.  I know I have been a major slacker at posting lately, and for that I apologize.  This pregnancy thing has completely thrown me for a loop.  I am so happy to be pregnant, but you don't realize how much pregnancy changes every aspect of your life until it happens to you.  I am exhausted no matter how much sleep I get.  If I don't get enough sleep, I am so sick the next day.  I have visited the ladies room more in the last few weeks than probably all of high school.  I have never been so hungry.

On the other hand, I haven't been very sick at all.  Just a few really nauseous days every so often.  I was struck by extreme laziness for a while, to the point that my house fell apart- except for all the times that Love cleaned up for me.  Now, I have gotten some of my energy back and am feeling pretty good.  I've gotten used to having a snack between breakfast and lunch.  (Which was really hard for me since I just don't eat that much.)  I am just so happy to have been blessed with this wonderful gift.

Baby is just a bit bigger than an inch right now.  I am 9 weeks 5 days today.  I am starting to get a little tummy.  I already had to stop wearing a couple pairs of pants.  That makes me laugh a little.  Work is hard.  It's been very stressful and it's difficult to take time out- much needed time- for myself and the baby.  I have learned that I have to take a break.  I have to drink lots of water and eat on time.  As things work out and I learn my limitations, life is settling down. 

I do worry.  After trying for so long, I feel a bit jaded.  I sometimes feel like this can't be happening or that something will go wrong at any given moment.  Every little thing freaks me out and I swear I've called my nurse so much we are on a first name basis.  I try to keep the worry to a minimum, afraid of the stress it will cause.  I was thrilled to hear the heartbeat and see that there was a healthy little bean baby in there at my ultrasound.  Something about the heartbeat made me relax.  My baby is alive and well, last I checked.  So, I will take that and run for a bit.

I really appreciate the comments I received.  Every time I tell people I'm pregnant it makes it more and more real.  The excitement from others is contagious and when I feel how happy they are for me, it makes me worry just a little less.  So, thank you to all of you that are happy with me!