Finding Equipoise

I have not fallen...

Ok, I admit it.  I do most of my writing at work.  Unfortunately, with the new job responsibilities came loads more work to do, which kind of put a damper on my frequent posting.  I am here.  I am alive.  I am very busy, but happy.  I like this new job.  We had a good weekend and yesterday was Love's birthday. 

Happy Birthday My Love!!!

Life is good, though I don't have a lot to write about just this second.  I will try to find a way to post more, but the main reason for posting today was to let you know that I did not fall off the face of the earth...it just crushed me a bit for a few days.

News, Amusement, Witches and Sardines...

This week has been busy.  Good thing my weekend was fun and relaxing at the same time.  The first nice thing that happened was Love went on a little nature walk with me down our river trail.  He hasn't done this since last spring so you can imagine how much I love it.  The next best news for me was Friday.  My boss has changed my job description in such a way that I will be much happier at work from here on out.  Being that I was close to either changing positions or leaving the company, this couldn't have come at a better time. 

After that great news and as the Friday workday came to an end, Love and I accompanied my friend, sexychoco, to a local amusement park.  Every year during the Halloween season Lagoon hosts Frightmares- which is basically just the amusement park coupled with spooky entertainment shows, haunted houses, and monsters.  I had never been to Lagoon, and Love had been bugging me to go since we moved here, so we went.  It was so much fun!  I can't remember the last time I rode a roller coaster and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why it's been so long.  We rode four roller coasters and had a wonderful time laughing, screaming, and eating lots of junk food. 

Saturday, I got to be part of a "Witches Night Out."  My friend Ashley, who often comments here, planned the whole thing.  She made us a delicious spaghetti dinner- yes Ashely it was delicious even though I don't normally like spaghetti...so...smile- and then we all went to Gardner Village.  It was cold and raining, but we did a little shopping, had our fortunes told- I'd rather not discuss mine- and I bought some delicious vanilla tea and some chocolate fudge. 

Sunday was family dinner...at my house tiny apartment.  I cooked up a yummy roast, homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, and a cake for my Brother-In-Law- we were celebrating his birthday.  It was a lot of work, but it was so nice to have family visit our humble abode...even if we were a little cramped.  To top it off, the Boston Red Sox are going to the World Series and the Denver Broncos beat the Steelers. 

Here are a FEW photos from this weekend, enjoy!

I Love Trees in Fall (from our walk)

This is Love (yes, I know I need a new camera...)

Love and Sexychoco (Taken at Frightmares)

Sexychoco and Me trying to avoid the smoke from the fog machine (Taken at Frightmares)

Me and Love...my new favorite picture (Taken at Frightmares)

Balance

In a renewed effort to find that "state of balance" we're all searching for, I finally decided to make a sacrifice and drive through rush hour traffic three times a week to work out with my friend.  It began last night and, though it was frustrating to sit through almost an hour of traffic, it felt so good to get my muscles moving again.  I only did a thirty minute brisk walk, but I felt ten times better afterward.  I woke up aware of my muscles this morning.  I love that sensation because it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something.  My goal is to try and walk at least 30 minutes a day, six days a week.  The nice thing about having a workout buddy, though, is that if I don't make my goal, I'll at least be moving three times a week.  In the end, all that matters is that I'm trying and I'm doing more than I was.  There is always room for improvement, but I've learned that, sometimes, it's the doing that matters.  Save the improvement for when the doing gets routine.

Also, I have been teaching flute lessons to my niece, which is far more fulfilling than I could have imagined.  I used to teach way back when I lived in New Mexico, but getting married and moving 5 times kind of put a damper on that.  Imagine my excitement when my niece told me she wanted to play the flute!  Teaching has caused me to remember my deep love for music, especially making music.  On Sunday, I got ready for church early and spent about half an hour playing the piano.  The joy that music brings me is nearly indescribable- which causes me to wonder why I don't allow myself the time to play more often.  I'm working on that.

Is there something you love that has been put on the back burner of your life?  Something that you wish you had time for?  Will you tell me about it? 

First off..

let me just say how much I appreciate all your well wishes.  It's wonderful to know that I have so many people backing me up and rejoicing with me.  So, thank you, your comments mean the world to me.

I honestly don't have much to report today, so I won't waste anyone's time.  I got my pap/ blood test results back today and everything looks normal.  There's that word again.  No, it's such good news to know that there is currently nothing major standing in the way of conceiving.  It brings me hope.  I just thought I'd share that bit with you.  Happy Friday!

Silly Nerves...

Well, I don't know why I was so nervous since Dr... oh let's see what we'll call him...Dr. Wonderful was so completely awesome!  While I did have to endure the lovely yearly exam, it was a very successful appointment.  (By the way, this is the first time I was told that I would have a little spotting afterward and did have a little spotting.  Is this really normal?  Has this happened to you?  It hasn't happened to me before so I'm just wondering.) 

So, being the kind doctor that he is, he brought us into his office and let us talk for a bit.  I was able to vent my frustrations:

* It's been a year and a half of active trying and over 2 years off birth control.

* I have had several irregular, late, or strange menstrual cycles and think I might be miscarrying early OR be completely crazy and something else is wrong, but this is NOT NORMAL in my book.

* I listed all the tests I've had done.  (I'd link past posts, but I woke up at 5am and I'm trying to get all this out before I fall asleep.)

* Told him the options Old Doctor gave us.

* Made sure he was aware that I am OK with IUI (or artificial insemination), provided that we exhaust all other options beforehand.

* Several other things I am certain I said, but don't remember just now.

He said:

* First, do a blood test to rule out things like Polycystic Ovary Syndrome- which he doesn't think I have, but wants to be safe and rule it out anyway.  Results will be posted as soon as I know something.

* With my irregular periods he's not positive I'm ovulating regularly and suggested we try Clom!d, along with ovulation kits for the next couple months to see if that works.  (Now that's what I'm talking about.  I like proactive doctors and plans.)

* If it doesn't work or we still can't be sure I'm ovulating, we'll up the dosage.

* If that doesn't work we'll do a laparoscopy- which freaks me out a little- to make sure I don't have endometriosis- which could be the reason my menstrual cycle is so wigged out and extremely painful sometimes.  (But he's not too worried about this at this point because of my good HSG (or Hysterosalpingogram) results, just a future plan for now.)

* If they do the laparoscopy and it is endometriosis, they'll burn the tissue off with a laser and then let me try again for a bit to see if that helped.  Then, if that doesn't work, or if they don't find anything with the laparoscopy, his last option is IUI.  (But, he talked about the cost- another reason to love him- and it was pretty low compared to the prices I was hearing about.)

So, to sum up, he listens, he has a lot of the same ideals and morals as me, we are on the same page, and- best of all- we have a plan.  I love plans, they make me happy.  Also, I think Old Doctor was in it for the money.  Why?  Because he didn't do a blood test or try Clom!d- you know the easier, less invasive, less costly procedures first.  In the end, he wouldn't listen to me or give me other options so, goodbye Old Doctor.  Whew! 

Mandy Moore

Ok, so do you remember the Mandy Moore from back in the day?  She was the teen pop princess who brought us such songs as "Candy".  She is no longer that Mandy.  Growing up I'll admit I did like her music.  I still have several of her cd's.  Yet, as I got older, I just didn't have a taste for her music anymore.  I grew out of it.  Fortunately, so did she.  Recently she put out a new album entitled "Wild Hope".  I fell in love with this album from the start.  It's just my kind of music.  I also gained a whole new respect for her. 

Tonight I went to see her live in a little place called the Avalon Theatre.  It was an intimate setting, a relatively small venue.  We stood up at the front no more than 15 feet away.  I had a blast.  Mandy put on an amazing performance.  She blew my away with her voice but also with her humility and her gratitude for the support of an album she's very proud of.  Here are a few pictures:

I also got to hear some amazing music by Chris Stills and Rachel Yamagata (both of whom are pictured below with Mandy Moore).  I highly recommend you check them out! 

Pit Stop

We have passed by this place many times on our drive to and from New Mexico.  This time, at the request of our friend- who was with us- we decided to stop and take a look around.  Of course I brought my camera.  Here are a few shots:

 

For more photos, check out the Daily Photos link.