As a (relatively) new mother, I've come to the abrupt realization recently that I have no idea what I'm doing. Finally I realize why so many parents turn to other parents, mothers, parenting books and doctors for advice all the time. I think in the first year of life your main focus is to keep your kid alive. You have to make sure they are getting enough food, sleep, attention, playtime, etc. Then suddenly they begin to crawl and you must make sure to keep them out of harm's way and teach them how to master things like stairs and to refrain from using that chair that topples backwards to pull themselves up. You finally get to a point where you are trusting them more and more and then they start to walk. It's a whole new ballgame, walking. Suddenly, because they are mobile on two legs just like everyone else, they think they are big. They begin using their daily accumulated vocabulary not just to practice sounds, but to communicate ideas...or frustrations. They want to start doing things themselves and you want to let them. You try not to hover while they climb up the stairs and stand up dangerously close to the edge. You praise them for their good behavior and do your best to divert them from violent behavior (like hitting, scratching, and pinching), dangerous behavior (like running into the street), and annoying behavior (like screaming). Then you watch shows about a Fantastic English Caregiver who gives parents discipline coaching and see all these kids who's parents were just like you...doing their best to raise kids into productive members of society without really knowing how...and their kids went the complete opposite of their hopes. You see these little monsters and you think, "Oh, my kids will never be like that." How do you know??!! I sometimes see a stubbornness and defiance in my daughter at a tender age of 15 months that I didn't expect to encounter until her teen years and I wonder how I'm ever going to do this RIGHT. I don't want her to turn into a little monster because I let her get away with everything (which I don't)...yet I also don't want to be that overly controlling mother that every child hates because she won't let them be their own person. I want her to have all the opportunities in the world to choose from. I want her to be able to decide on her own what she likes and dislikes, what kind of person she wants to be, etc. I also want to pass on to her important pearls of wisdom I've strung around my neck over the years. How does one do all this right? If you know, I'd invite you to tell me. I'd guess that you don't. I don't think anyone does. In fact, I'm fairly certain every single parent in the world asks themselves after every parenting action, "Did I do that right? Did I do the best I could? Will I help them? Will I hinder them?" and so on. I guess I'll just do my best to try to live in the moment. Second guessing the past will do no good most of the time...and my hopes for her future are just that- hopes. It's likely that she'll go a completely different direction than I could ever imagine. It's likely there will be many mistakes, fun, heartache, joy, and surprises (happy and sad) over the course of her life. I'm sure she'll teach me more than I'll ever teach her. I just hope when she looks back on her youth she'll forget my mistakes and just see how much I love her and how much hope I will always have for her future.
Cuz you can't get enough...
Zoe
Zoe 13 months
I know everyone has been waiting anxiously for a Zoe update. I don't know why I hold myself to things I cannot possibly accomplish. So rather than never post another update...we are just going to skip all those months we missed and start fresh.
Zoe is hilarious. She makes me laugh every single day. She absolutely loves music. You'll find her dancing all the time. When she hears a song she knows she'll give you a gigantic open mouth smile and promptly dance to her heart's content. Funnily enough her two favorite songs currently are: "Lollipop" which she heard on the new Dell commercial and the intro song to Gilmore Girls. (I'm too lazy to link.) I have both recorded on the DVR. :) She also watches bits of Sesame Street and has a great fondness for Elmo. She says quite a few words nowadays. Life sure is a bit easier with words like "Yes", "Done", "No", "Mama", "Dada", "Wah (water or walk)", "Bah" (bottle, ball, or balloon :)), "Down" and "Desitin (not exact but so close)". She will also say "woof woof" if you ask her what a puppy says, give you "five", will try to make a fish face if you ask, and her elephant sound is priceless (basically she makes raspberries). She is trying so hard to walk. She's taken up to 3 steps so far and falls...but that doesn't stop her from getting up and trying again. She has a couple baby walkers to push along and practice. She likes to go outside (she'll go to the door or window and say "ou sa" (outside) when she wants to go out) and walk up and down the sidewalks- where she stays. She's still not a huge fan of grass, though she has ventured onto and across it a few times in recent weeks (progress!). Recently she started knocking on everything from the front door to her head. So funny! She's starting to be helpful. If she finds a rag or towel on the floor she will "clean" it for you. She helps me pick up toys and other things around the house. She likes to take the silverware out of the dishwasher to "help" me put it back. She also loves books. Often you will find her on the floor with a book in her lap "reading" aloud to herself. I hope her early love for books continues throughout her life as mine has. She is very loving, giving us hugs and puckered kisses often when asked and sometimes unprovoked. She is sweet and mellow (for the most part) and I just can't get enough of her little personality. My favorite new thing is she will sit on the linoleum and use her extended feet/legs to propel herself around in circles. She loves her Daddy. She knows the sound of the garage and will rush to the door to greet him when he gets home. Then she gets upset when he goes upstairs to change. She tests limits often, just to see if I'm paying attention, has no patience, and hates to be left alone...making for a few rough days here and there. She also started hitting for a while (still does occasionally) but we taught her to gently stroke your face and say "so soft" (or "sa sa" in her words) instead. But she's young and she's learning and the good outweighs the bad most of the time. We couldn't imagine life without her.
Here are some highlights of the last few months:
Sleepy little 8-month-old
Playing
Little Drummer Girl
Playing in the crib
Zoe with Grandpa S when his Father (my Grandpa) passed away (9 months)
Playing with cousin B at Grandma D's house
Tired, but enjoying Easter spoils
Easter Egg hunt (eat?) with Mom's help
Family Picture Easter Sunday
Zoe likes to keep her hands free
Cousin B turned 1 and I'm almost 10 months!
Dancing to the music
The littlest fairy fast asleep at my sister's wedding (nearly 11 months)
Ahh! Comfy pillow!
Opening Birthday Presents on the actual day (she loves books!)
"The Mean Face"
Playing with new toys!
Make a 1st Birthday Wish!
Fireworks are fun! (For Mom too!)
Independence Day trying fruit dip
Family/ Friends Party to celebrate Zoe's Birthday
Enjoying her gifts- thanks so much everyone!
First time getting wet outside. (The dress is darker on the bottom, but not that dark. See the wet spot behind her?)
Enjoying a good book
The artist at work
Her first masterpiece
Goodbye Uncle E! See you in 2 years!
Standing up on her own
Nearly 13 months old!
Zoe, one day when you read this and wonder why it took me so long, know that I was with you instead.
Love,
Mama
Returning Sheepishly
I know it's been a long silence. I'm happy to report that I'm better...things are better. The troubles are not over, but they have settled for now...enough that I can think of other things. I'm not trying to be cryptic, it's just private. Anyhow, I decided it's high time I get back to writing.
Recently, I started working from home. The first week was extremely overwhelming. I often found myself wondering why I thought it would be a good idea. Suddenly Zoe's naps, that had formerly been my time, became work time and all my rest and house cleaning went out the window. Well, ok, maybe not out the window. If you asked Love he'd say it was pretty clearly strewn about the house...but you get my drift. After the first week I figured out that I could accomplish things when Zoe was awake and still make time to play with her and be attentive, I could ask Love for some "Me time" when he got home, and I could do this. Why? I am now (except for one day a week) a "stay-at-home" Mom. This is something you all know I've been wanting since Zoe was born. It's not quite what I thought it would be, but it is what it is and I couldn't be happier to be home with my sweet baby girl.
Speaking of my sweet baby girl...she is about to be one. You don't have to remind me that I've been a total slacker and haven't posted a monthly update in ages. I promise it's coming. Right now I'm super busy working and trying to soak up the last two weeks of her first year of life. I find myself tearing up some days at the thought of how fast and how much she's grown. Yet I'm so proud to be her Mother...to see her day to day accomplishments...to make her laugh...comfort her sadness...and cheer her on. I'm also trying to plan a little family/ close friends party. This is not as easy as one might think. Any advice on this subject is welcome.
I'm looking forward to a few things. My Sis and her Husband are coming up to visit us on the 4th of July weekend! My Brother is going on a mission to Carlsbad, CA in a little over a month- he got his mission call when I was home for my Little Sis's wedding. I get to go home in a little less than a month to see my family. I'm not thrilled that he'll be gone for two years because I'm really going to miss him...but he's doing an amazing thing and I'm so proud of him.
I know it's not a thorough update, but it's late and I need to hit the sack so I can start again tomorrow. More to come...and thanks for sticking around. Your comments meant a lot to me.
And just because I know a couple people who are dying to see her...an updated picture of Zoe to swoon over. :)
