Finding Equipoise

Grateful

So my running program went on hiatus for a couple weeks.  Mostly because I got busy with work and motherhood and blah, blah, blah and figured that was the easiest to give up.  Also, because it got cold...very suddenly.  After almost two weeks I really thought about it and decided that taking care of my body was more important than housework or really anything else...because if I let my body down...I will let everything and everyone down in not being able to do what I normally do.  Plus I missed it...A LOT.  I FEEL so much better when I've exercised.  I feel healthy, happy, and in control- which you know is like breathing to me.  Also, I'm sick of the unsightly bulges.  So I emailed Love and told him I needed to figure out some way to run again.  I figured he'd email me back some encouragement and I'd need to start brainstorming.  Instead he emailed me and said he'd permanently put Zoe to bed on the nights I wanted to run- we usually switch off every two nights- so I could just go as soon as my dinner had settled.  After a week of this I really think it's going to work.  It freed me to go whenever I was ready instead of worrying about getting Zoe to bed first or coming up with excuses (like laziness) not to.  It helps that it also gives me motivation in the form of guilt: "If Love is going to put Zoe to bed, I can't really just be lazy and not run."  I'm so grateful, not only for his support, but for him enabling me to create a healthy habit.  Besides, I figure it's a win-win for him.  He gets time with Zoe on his own (while I get time on my own) and, if I get in better shape, he'll reap the benefits.  :)  Hello, week 3!

List

Updating in list form:

* I haven't posted for several reasons (you will see them as you read on).  I've been super busy with work, new responsibilities, and trying desperately to keep up with the housework- easier to keep up than to deal with ransacked house and the end of the week.

* Zoe's had diarrhea for the last 3 days and a super painful, blistering bum-rash as a result.  It breaks my heart to change her bum as she cries and screams "Nonononono!" every time I wipe her.  It seems to be getting better though. 

* This came after two weeks of cutting molars and a month of terrible naps.  It's been a struggle to be a Mom lately.  Fortunately, she is hilarious and I LOVE her so I have built a well of patience.  I'll admit now that it's drying up.  I hope she starts napping soon.

* Also in Zoe news (what?  I'm home with her ALL DAY, EVERYDAY...what else would I talk about?)  She is getting tubes in just-shy-of two weeks.  I'm really nervous about the anesthesia and the surgery...but I'm hoping it will prevent multiple ear infections this Winter.  I'd love to hear (happy) stories about this if you have them.

* I went the the Killers concert on Saturday with Love- got him the tickets for Father's Day and he said he'd only take me (they're nearly the only band we both like).  I have to say, it was one of the best concerts I've ever been to.  You hope a band you love will be awesome live and they did not disappoint.  We heard a decent opening band (they didn't say their name clearly) and were surprised by a Mariachi band just before the Killers came on.  I have to say, I like Mariachi music...it reminds me of home.  However, maybe not the best idea at that kind of concert. Finally the Killers came on and from the start (after fixing some technical difficulties) it was a huge rush- literally.  We were general admission floor and were fortunate enough to be maybe two rows behind the stage...except when we were nearly smashed flat as the Killers struck the first chord and the entire crowd surged forward. We kept our ground and once we sorted out our centimeters of space everyone was dancing and singing along.  The best part was being there with Love...seeing him grin ear to ear was so worth it!

* I have finally (after several weeks of restarting) made it to week two of the Couch-to-5k running program.  Knee injuries, sickness, lack of motivation, and general laziness have been my excuses...then I get out there and run and I truly enjoy it.  The peace and quiet, the moon lighting my way, the stress relief...all of it.  To tell the truth, I was feeling pretty good and had become comfortable with week one's routine.  Week two kicked my butt yesterday, but it felt good to work a little harder.  I'm certain if I keep at it, I'll continue to feel better about myself, increase my strength, and hopefully lose a little weight and get into better shape for the next pregnancy.

* We are trying again.  No luck yet, but this time I haven't concerned myself with it too much.  It's only been a couple months.  I stay so busy with Zoe, Love, work, housework and with trying to do things for myself (read, run, play the piano, etc) that I can't dwell on it so much.  Also, I refuse to be the paranoid person I was then- unwilling to do ANYTHING that could possibly keep me from getting pregnant...living in a cocoon...crying all the time.  I don't know if it's because I already have one baby, or because I have doubts about how I will handle two kids, or if I'm just in a better place with myself, but I feel like my mind is healthier this time...it feels easier to let nature take it's course.  I wonder sometimes if Love is worried I will become single-minded again.  I don't want to...but of course it's early on and I don't know what will happen, so we'll see.  I did learn with Zoe that a baby will come when it's time...and no sooner.  I just hope I can remember it.

I think that'll do for now.  Sorry, this list isn't really a list...I'm sure with very little tweaking I could make it into a regular post...but it's late so it's fine.  What have you been up to?

Love and Equipoise

Got this from dooce.  It's been floating around facebook too.  I figure I don't know how much about the two of us I've spilled here so here goes:

What are your middle names?
 My middle name is Cherice, Love's middle name is Watson...as in "My Dear".  No, just kidding, it's his Mother's maiden name.

How long have you been together?
We've been together over 5 years

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Well, I met him in high school so...4 years

Who asked whom out?
I was at work when he came in with his family for lunch.  (I worked at Red Robin.)  He asked me out by pretending that his Jetta key was either lost or locked in the car (impossible) and came back into my work to "look for it".  He asked me out after he "found" it and we've been together ever since.  Five years later, I just now realized that our entire relationship sprouted from a lie...should I be worried?

How old are each of you?
I'm 26, he's 25...yes I robbed the cradle.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
His.  Mine live in New Mexico.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I don't know that there is a specific situation that is hard on us.  We have a tendency to talk each other up and through difficult situations.  I think our struggle as a couple is that we are both very opinionated, defensive and stubborn by nature...which makes for some crazy head-butting.  However, we are very good at fighting- meaning we usually resolve things quickly...even though we are throwing grenades for a bit.

Did you go to the same school?
For a couple years in high school.   

Are you from the same home town?
No.  I grew up in Albuquerque, NM and Love grew up all over- Army brat.  I would say we now live in what he'd call his hometown...if he had one.

Who is smarter?
Book smart?  Me.  Street smart?  Him.  I've never known anyone who can store more information- useless or not- in their head...he's experienced more of the world than me.

Who is the most sensitive?
I am leaning towards me...but he has his moments...especially since Zoe was born.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Most?  McDonald's.  Ha ha, how sad is that?

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Springfield, VA

Who has the craziest exes?
I think we're about equal on that one...and that's as far as that's going.

Who has the worst temper?
Both of us have pretty bad tempers.  He has a tendency to hold on to grudges...he'll keep quiet but you know when he's mad- you'll find yourself walking on eggshells.  It takes a lot to get me mad, but if you get there, it's not pretty.  I yell a lot...and cry.  I don't hold grudges, but I'll force you to hash it out right then and there because I don't like to hang on to stuff like that.

Who does the cooking?
I used to before I became a Mom and realized I'm not superwoman.  He does most of it now, but we trade off.

Who is the neat-freak?
Though I have weakened a bit in recent months- children will do that to you- I will readily admit that I'm the neat freak...and he...well...he just isn't.  Clutter stresses me OUT!

Who is more stubborn?
I am the opinionated stubborn type.  He is the silent stubborn type.  I think we're in trouble with our already stubborn 7 month old.

Who hogs the bed?
HIM!  If I'm sleeping well I hardly move.

Who wakes up earlier?
ME.  Gotta get up and ready before Zoe gets up.  For the record, there's nothing more frustrating than watching other's sleep contentedly on a Saturday morning or when it's 5:30 am and you have to be awake.

Where was your first date?
A movie theater in Albuquerque...we saw "Freaky Friday".  One of probably 5 chick flicks he's ever watched with me.

Who is more jealous?
Neither.  After some interesting past relationships we both make it a point to never be jealous.  We have complete trust in each other.

How long did it take to get serious?
He knew right away.  It took my stubborn behind a few more weeks to catch on that this was the love of my life.  We were engaged a month after that.

Who eats more?
Him...by a mile.  I remember when we first got married.  I would make what I thought was a huge meal.  He would eat firsts...then seconds...then be in the fridge looking for something else.  I was shocked.  He also eats much faster than me.

Who does the laundry?
We both do...but I tend to be stuck with the folding and putting away a lot.  He blames it on my OCD about how mine and Zoe's clothes are folded- he does do his clothes.  I think it's a cop out.  It continues and we're both happy.  :)

Who's better with the computer?
Probably him, though I think I can sort of hold my own.  Truthfully I think we need a computer technician in the family to make sure we haven't done something massively damaging to this machine.

Who drives when you are together?
He almost always drives.  I am pretty much done with driving.  I've driven cross country one too many times I think.  Plus, I get to sit and read a lot of the time during our hour commute to work.

Love, if you find any discrepancies, feel free to fill out your own version.

I tag anyone that wants to.  Leave a comment if you do!

Zoe's First Christmas

We were pleasantly surprised as we took a hungry Zoe downstairs Christmas morning to receive her first presents from Santa ever.  She was immediately interested in her new toys.  She even helped Love open her presents a bit.  She was fun to watch as she inspected each of her gifts.  We did laugh at her a little as she looked around a few times trying to figure out why this particular morning was so different.  By the end she was tired of the present thing and ready to eat, but we think she did great!  Here are a few photos:

 

"Mom!  We just woke up!"

 

The tree...Santa came!

 

"I learn fast."

 

"Books that talk and sing!"

 

"This looks delicious!"

 

"Is this mine?"

 

"Wow, she's pretty!"

 

"It's sooo not that cold in here."

 

"Well look at that!  New PJ'S!"

 

"Didn't you know?  DVD's are for eating."

 

"Wow!  That frog is as big as me!"

 

"Ooo...cozy outerwear!"

 

"Let's see there's one, two, three..."

 

"Playing with the new toys...sitting all by myself."

 

"K, Mom, I'm ready to eat now."

There was much more under that tree for her than what I posted in pictures.  Thank you to everyone who helped Zoe to have such a great Christmas!  I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday as much as we did.

___________________________________________________________

On a more serious note, my Grandpa passed away peacefully in his home on December 24th.  I will be taking a break from blogging for the week in order to attend his funeral and spend some time with family.  While he will be greatly missed, he had been ill for some time and we're glad that he's home at peace with our Heavenly Father.  My Mom wrote a lovely tribute post to her Daddy here.  Thank you for your understanding, friendship and love.

Husband Tag

1. Where did you meet?  Ours is a funny story.  We first met in our ward in high school...not long after, he dated my sister for a bit.  We met again a few years later at Red Robin.  I worked there as a server and he came in with his family.  I took their table...even though it wasn't mine...that was the day he asked me out on our first date.

2. How long did you date before you got married? 4 months
3. How long have you been married? almost 5 years
4. What does he do that surprises you?  He likes to clean the whole house sometimes before I get home...I'm obsessive about a clean house and it's one of my favorite surprises.    
5.What is your favorite feature of his? His big smile and beautiful blue eyes.

6. What is your favorite quality of his? His ability to make people laugh...I love to go places with him because I'm shy and he's outgoing so we balance each other out and everyone always has fun.

7. Does he have a nickname for you?  Love
8. What is his favorite color? Blue...or green...I think.  Geez, does that make me a bad wife?
9. What is his favorite food? He doesn't have one favorite...but he likes a lot of Mexican food, steak, a good roast...lots of stuff.

10. What is his favorite sport? Football
11. When and where was your first kiss? On our first date at my apartment.

12. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple?  We love to go to dinner or to the movies.

13. Do you have any children?  One beautiful daughter

14. Does he have a hidden talent?  He's actually a pretty good cook.

15. How old is he? 24...soon to be 25
16. Who said "I love you" first?  I think he was the one who actually said the words first...I was too chicken...it happened very quickly after we first started dating.
17. What do you admire most about him?  How hard he works to support our family and to find a way to help me be a stay-at-home Mom someday soon and that he never loses sight of the things/ people he loves.

18.Do you think he will read this? Yes
I tag...Love Squalor, So Pretty, and Nell

1. Where did you meet?  Ours is a funny story.  We first met in our ward in high school...not long after, he dated my sister for a bit.  We met again a few years later at Red Robin.  I worked there as a server and he came in with his family.  I took their table...even though it wasn't mine...that was the day he asked me out on our first date.

2. How long did you date before you got married? 4 months
3. How long have you been married? almost 5 years
4. What does he do that surprises you?  He likes to clean the whole house sometimes before I get home...I'm obsessive about a clean house and it's one of my favorite surprises.    
5.What is your favorite feature of his? His big smile and beautiful blue eyes.

6. What is your favorite quality of his? His ability to make people laugh...I love to go places with him because I'm shy and he's outgoing so we balance each other out and everyone always has fun.

7. Does he have a nickname for you?  Love
8. What is his favorite color? Blue...or green...I think.  Geez, does that make me a bad wife?
9. What is his favorite food? He doesn't have one favorite...but he likes a lot of Mexican food, steak, a good roast...lots of stuff.

10. What is his favorite sport? Football
11. When and where was your first kiss? On our first date at my apartment.

12. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple?  We love to go to dinner or to the movies.

13. Do you have any children?  One beautiful daughter

14. Does he have a hidden talent?  He's actually a pretty good cook.

15. How old is he? 24...soon to be 25
16. Who said "I love you" first?  I think he was the one who actually said the words first...I was too chicken...it happened very quickly after we first started dating.
17. What do you admire most about him?  How hard he works to support our family and to find a way to help me be a stay-at-home Mom someday soon and that he never loses sight of the things/ people he loves.

18.Do you think he will read this? Yes
I tag...Love Squalor, So Pretty, and Nell

Jumbles

Hello everyone!  I know I've been a stranger.  I just felt like I should enjoy my last week home with Zoe and didn't want to lose any time with her to jump on the computer.  We are doing fairly well.  I have lots to report and, of course, some pictures to share so lets get started huh?

First, Zoe has really started to react to toys more.  Her two favorites are her keys and her frog.  She kicks her legs when she gets excited and smiles a lot.  She has also started "talking" a lot more.  We get to hear all kinds of noises from her these days as she responds to us talking to her.  She becomes more fun day by day.  Here are some pics of her playing:

Yummy Keys!

 

Look Grandma, I have a bow in my hair!

 

Smiles for the camera!  (Look at those chunky legs!)

 

Hands are yummy too!

Superwoman!

Getting to know you... (her cousin)

By the way, I sewed that tag blanket myself!  I'm so proud!  :)

Ok, on to the next bit of news.

As my last week with Zoe neared it's end, I decided to leave her with Love and go to a movie with the girls.  For some reason, she decided to refuse the bottle (something she's taken easily since birth) and scream the whole time I was gone.  Luckily, the movie time was wrong so we went to lunch instead and Love was able to bring her to me to feed her.  I, of course, began to freak out worrying that she wouldn't take a bottle anymore just as I was supposed to go back to work!  So we spent all day Sunday bottle feeding her.  We went through 4 different nipples before we finally found one that didn't gag her.  (She has a bad gag reflex!)  My Mom had found a nipple that is similar in many ways to a breast, smaller nipple with a wider base and it compresses like the breast to make the transition easier for babies.  Unfortunately, we didn't have a bottle that fit, so we went to the store and found the right bottle and, lo and behold, she took it- after a lot of patience, bouncing and encouragement from me.  Well, that saved the day and I felt a little better knowing she should eat fine while I was at work. 

Yesterday was my first day back to work.  My time with her went by so fast!  It was over before I knew it and I just wasn't ready.  I wasn't prepared for how difficult it was.  I can't even begin to describe how it felt to have to leave her!  I am lucky to have a Mother-in-Law and Sisters-in-Law who are willing to keep her for me while I work.  However, there is nothing to ease the pain of leaving your baby- who you haven't been away from since birth- to go to work.  Poor Love watched as I cried most of Sunday night as I prepared her things and neither of us slept well.  He was crying with me as he felt my pain and worried with me as we wondered how she'd do with the change.  I cried again as I left her with Grandma, cried on the way to work, and cried several times during work.  I knew she'd have good care from someone who loved her, but I worried that she'd freak out like she did for Love, or that she wouldn't eat.  I cried because I wanted to be there to comfort her after her first shots*.  I cried because I'm selfish and want all her smiles, noises, sleep times, awake times, and even fussy times to myself.  Somehow, I did make it through the day.  Once work was over I couldn't get home fast enough.  I missed her so much!  I will admit I felt much better once I arrived and found that she's been pretty good.  She ate well and wasn't too fussy considering she'd had her first shots that morning.  Today was easier.  It was still hard to leave, but I know we need my income and I know she's well taken care of.  It was especially nice not to spend the day expecting a phone call that she'd had a major freak out.  She's been a little more fussy the last couple days once I get her home and I suspect it will be a bit of an adjustment for all of us, but we'll make it.  Tomorrow is my day off and I look forward to spending the whole day with her.  I'm still hoping I can either make more money soon and pay off debt quickly so I can quit soon...or try to find a job I can do from home with her there.  Pray for me!

*As I mentioned, Zoe had her 2 month shots yesterday.  Her appointment went well.  She's grown another 2 inches to 23.5 inches and another (almost) 2 pounds to 11 pounds 11 ounces!  I was amazed!  I knew she had grown a lot...she sort of sprouted overnight...but never expected those numbers.  Then came shots time and the nurse began by trying to give her a dose of Tylenol.  Well, it was cherry flavored and Zoe threw it right back up...twice!  So we opted to wait and give her some of the kind we had at home (grape...which she took just fine).  (I have to say, though, that the nurse gave it to her laying down and straight down her throat...what did she think would happen?)  Anyway, so the nurse let me give her the oral medicine (don't remember the name) that she had to take (since I know how to administer it without her vomiting).  Then came the hard part.  I made Love hold her down and sat there helpless as she cried through her three shots.  She got shots in both legs and was not a happy camper.  She did pretty well though, I'm proud of her.  She was pretty good for Grandma, but came home pretty fussy and it got progressively worse so I held her all evening and then we both took a warm bath to relax her muscles.  We ended up in bed pretty late, but she went 7.5 hours between feedings so I got a full 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep!

Well, it's getting late and I'd better get in bed.  I will try to post more often.  Unfortunately, I can no longer post from work...so that makes it hard, but I'll really try my best.  For now here's some more pictures of Zoe.  Take care!

Taking advantage of the space...

The following are some of my favorites of the professional pictures we had taken of Zoe a few weeks ago:

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, so that was actually most of them...I just couldn't choose!  (We had the same problem when we ordered...yikes!)  Longest post ever, right?  Hopefully this will tide you over until I can post again.

 

 

 

Pre-pillow talk

As we were getting ready for bed:

Love (looking at his stomach): Is that a new mole?

Me: I don't know.  I don't know where all your moles are...

Love: Well you should.

Me: Sorry, I haven't memorized the location of every mole on your body.  Do you know where all my moles are?

Love: I've got you mapped out like Louis and Clark mapped out America.

Happy Valentine's Day!

To my Love,

I wanted to take a moment to share with you how blessed I am to have you in my life.  From the moment we met and began dating, you swept me off my feet.  I have been floating ever since.  My love for you is immeasurable and eternal.  Words will never fully express how grateful I am to be your wife.

This last year has been a very significant one in our lives.  I am so proud of the steps you have taken to better our lives and strengthen our marriage.  You have made amazing progress in your job and you are so good at what you do.  I love that you are constantly worried about providing for us, and that you take seriously my desire to be at home with my kids someday soon.  We were sealed for eternity this year.  I can't tell you how awesome it is to know that we will never be parted, not even by death.  I am yours, forever and always and I'm so happy to be who I am.

I know you felt the same strong emotions, frustration, and anger during the time we were desperately trying to conceive.  I was constantly amazed at your attitude and your ability to suppress those emotions enough to be a comfort to me.  It was your strength, along with many prayers that got me through. 

Now that we have been blessed to conceive a beautiful baby girl, I can't imagine sharing parenthood with anyone but you.  I get so excited every time I think about her birth, not just because I want to meet her, but because I know you're going to be the most amazing Father.  You were made to raise children.  I will never have your natural ability to be child-like and really get down on their level, but I hope to learn some techniques from you.  Zöe is so lucky that she'll have you in her life.

I'm glad we are going to go on a trip tomorrow and escape the stresses of life and spend some, much needed, un-interrupted time together.  I'm looking forward to walking hand-in-hand with you through the joys and trials of our life.  I'm grateful my journey will be spent in the company of the only man on earth who could make me happier than I ever thought possible.  I love you baby.  Happy Valentine's Day.

Always,

Me

I have not fallen...

Ok, I admit it.  I do most of my writing at work.  Unfortunately, with the new job responsibilities came loads more work to do, which kind of put a damper on my frequent posting.  I am here.  I am alive.  I am very busy, but happy.  I like this new job.  We had a good weekend and yesterday was Love's birthday. 

Happy Birthday My Love!!!

Life is good, though I don't have a lot to write about just this second.  I will try to find a way to post more, but the main reason for posting today was to let you know that I did not fall off the face of the earth...it just crushed me a bit for a few days.

News, Amusement, Witches and Sardines...

This week has been busy.  Good thing my weekend was fun and relaxing at the same time.  The first nice thing that happened was Love went on a little nature walk with me down our river trail.  He hasn't done this since last spring so you can imagine how much I love it.  The next best news for me was Friday.  My boss has changed my job description in such a way that I will be much happier at work from here on out.  Being that I was close to either changing positions or leaving the company, this couldn't have come at a better time. 

After that great news and as the Friday workday came to an end, Love and I accompanied my friend, sexychoco, to a local amusement park.  Every year during the Halloween season Lagoon hosts Frightmares- which is basically just the amusement park coupled with spooky entertainment shows, haunted houses, and monsters.  I had never been to Lagoon, and Love had been bugging me to go since we moved here, so we went.  It was so much fun!  I can't remember the last time I rode a roller coaster and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why it's been so long.  We rode four roller coasters and had a wonderful time laughing, screaming, and eating lots of junk food. 

Saturday, I got to be part of a "Witches Night Out."  My friend Ashley, who often comments here, planned the whole thing.  She made us a delicious spaghetti dinner- yes Ashely it was delicious even though I don't normally like spaghetti...so...smile- and then we all went to Gardner Village.  It was cold and raining, but we did a little shopping, had our fortunes told- I'd rather not discuss mine- and I bought some delicious vanilla tea and some chocolate fudge. 

Sunday was family dinner...at my house tiny apartment.  I cooked up a yummy roast, homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, and a cake for my Brother-In-Law- we were celebrating his birthday.  It was a lot of work, but it was so nice to have family visit our humble abode...even if we were a little cramped.  To top it off, the Boston Red Sox are going to the World Series and the Denver Broncos beat the Steelers. 

Here are a FEW photos from this weekend, enjoy!

I Love Trees in Fall (from our walk)

This is Love (yes, I know I need a new camera...)

Love and Sexychoco (Taken at Frightmares)

Sexychoco and Me trying to avoid the smoke from the fog machine (Taken at Frightmares)

Me and Love...my new favorite picture (Taken at Frightmares)